Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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