I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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