i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
