And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
