I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
