I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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