either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
