He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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