What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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