There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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