do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
