so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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