It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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