i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
