Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
