I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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