I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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