Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
