i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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