the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
