Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
