I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
