This is not my ceiling
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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