i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
