your parents love me but you hate me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We had sex on a dog bed..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm getting married
To pizza
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
