EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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