Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
