it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
