God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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