Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
