Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
