I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
