she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
