Farmville is her only friend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
