dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
