They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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