i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
