My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
