Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
