I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
