I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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