So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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