he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
