the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
