ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
