yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
