i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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