Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We were destined to go to rehab together
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
