You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
