did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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