Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
