I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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